The Innateness of Gratitude

You Will Know It When You Cannot Say It

Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep.
- Felix Frankfurter

It is true. Gratitude, at its deepest and most sincere, cannot be expressed through words. The voice of this gratitude does not manifest itself in an utterance from one's mouth. You may fumble over the simplest of phrases, stutter, and even gasp to catch your breath, but try as you might, this level of gratitude is not meant for language. It is communicated through feeling. 

The heart is steeped in emotion and with every pulse, the body becomes a living vessel of gratitude that may quiver and shake, but words will continue to fail, yet there is no mistaking the sensation. It will be known that you are grateful and no one will question your feeble tongue. The gratitude you feel in that moment will spread through you and touch those around you. The depth of that gratitude may be so great that words fail those within your presence, but an extended hand or warm embrace will be the indicators that the feeling is understood and shared.

If you have never experienced gratitude of this magnitude before, you will know it when you cannot say it.

Kindness is not Weakness

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. - Kahlil Gibran

If your strength manifests through being unkind, through being harsh and unwelcoming, through defending your vulnerability with walls of insults and offenses, then you, my friend, are not strong at all. You are a weak victim, shackled on a chain of cruelty that has hijacked your better nature; the best version of you that you can be. You are the quivering shadow behind a stone that hides from the sun as the rest of the world is baked in glowing warmth.

You will not know your true strength until you step into the light and stand against the darkness that once comprised the defense of your being. Only then will you see how weak you once were. 

"For Our Fallen" on Memorial Day

While this poem is most commonly read overseas in Europe during memorial ceremonies, it speaks to the memory of all men and women who have fallen in the midst of combat, whose valor and commitment to service should never be forgotten. For them, we are grateful.

For The Fallen
By Laurence Binyon

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children, 
England mourns for her dead across the sea. 
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit, 
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill: Death august and royal 
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres. 
There is a music in the midst of desolation 
And a glory that shines upon our tears. 

They went with songs to the battle, they were young, 
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow. 
They were staunch to the end against odds uncountered: 
They fell with their faces to the foe. 

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. 
At the going down of the sun and in the morning 
We will remember them. 

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again; 
They sit no more at familiar tables at home; 
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time; 
They sleep beyond England's foam. 

But where our desires are and our hopes profound, 
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight, 
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known 
As the stars are known to the Night; 

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust, 
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain; 
As the stars are starry in the time of our darkness, 
To the end, to the end they remain. 

Athletes and Gratitude

"Every professional athlete owes a debt of gratitude to the fans and management, and pays an installment every time he plays. He should never miss a payment." - Bobby Hull

No One Likes Chain Letters

It's true. Well, perhaps a few people enjoy the chain letter, but few they shall remain. The fact is, chain letters are akin to email spam. While the intentions behind their creation may be well founded, I have never found a chain letter that did not frustrate me with unnecessarily generous spacing of text, cheap graphics and the all too familiar promise of good fortune on the condition that you forward the letter to however many people within a certain time frame to continue the chain. Break the chain and stand to gain nothing.

The popularity of chain letters has definitely peeked and plateaued over the years but there is an interesting similarity between chain letters and the relationship or gratitude and kindness. Through spreading a chain letter, a reward of some sort is almost always promised. Because of this promise, millions of people have and continue to forwarded these electronic nuisances, often times without even reading the content of the letter. Unfortunately, this naivety with emails is synonymous to opening the flood gates to hackers and viruses, but I digress.

The human race is effectively one big chain letter. Of course, we have among us our share of societal viruses, but being grateful for something heightens the propensity to be kind which, in turn, is appreciated by another who is thus more prone to forwarding the kindness that was previously bestowed upon him to another, due to the gratitude felt from having been the recipient of such kindness. See the chain effect?

Thinking of gratitude and kindness as a chain is fantastic because it adds a degree of responsibility to the concepts. For all of our acts of kindness and expressions of gratitude, we are adding a link to the chain that stretches back as far as human history will go. For all of our selfishness, greed, ingratitude and cruelty, we are taking a link away from the chain. What do we, as individuals, want to be responsible for?

Unlike an emailed chain letter, the rewards of kindness and gratitude are real. The world is made better when the chain is continued.

Select Advice from Brian Tracy

A Universal Language

From a cultural standpoint, there are many things that are considered universally binding among people from varying backgrounds and geographic locations. Music and laughter, for instance, are two things that almost every culture experiences uniquely within their own customs and traditions, but universally as well, due to the fact that all people can appreciate the power of music and can recognize when other people are happy even if there happens to be a language barrier.

The same can be said of gratitude.

Music, joy and laughter are felt, which is why they serve to bond many people who would ordinarily be unable to relate due to their cultural differences. With being grateful, there needn't be a vocalized expression for two people to share in an exchange of gratitude. It can be felt through a hand shake, an embrace, eye contact and can even be emitted through our auras, permeating the atmosphere around us with sentiments of appreciation and thanks.

You know when someone is grateful and appreciative. There is no need for an interpreter. You just know.

The Worst Punishment

The affects of shame are very powerful. There is no ego, no level of confidence nor any position of power that is impervious to the affects of shame.

Growing up, I had my share of punishments. There were timeouts, spankings, being grounded, having privileges stripped away, but these were commonplace punishments I expected when my behavior went awry. I rarely ever pushed the boundaries and repeated my offenses for fear of the expected consequences, but I never took anything meaningful away from being punished. Punishments were just the course of action taken by parents and grandparents when children misbehaved. I dealt with them as they came and got over them quickly.

The punishments that stuck with me and have served as lessons well into adulthood are the times when I was forced to admit that I was being ungrateful. It wasn't necessary for anyone to tell me that I was being ungrateful. My acute awareness seemingly beat away at my conscience for my gross displays of ingratitude. I knew I was wrong, my elders knew I was wrong, but coming face to face with a version of myself that I did not ultimately want to be in relation to my peers, my community and the world at large was a painful pill to swallow.

To see yourself as an ungrateful person floods your consciousness and the well of your soul with shame. It is embarrassing and dishonorable. To know that you were not raised to be ungrateful, but to have moments of unabashed ingratitude for things that would mean so much to other, less fortunate people simply leaves a solid notch on the staff of lessons to learn from as we grow.

There are many lessons notched into my staff, but I carry that staff with me at all times, deep within my subconscious. Those lessons aid me in maintaining a respectable posture. They remind me of the path I have traveled and the stops I have made in contrast to the path I want to be on.    

There Shall Be . . .

An Open Home

Today, I was reminded of one of the most poignant expressions of gratitude that one can experience. Opening your home to those you appreciate or in an effort to show kindness is a huge gesture.

Our homes are our sanctuaries, our refuges, the place where privacy is expected and, in most cases, guaranteed. When we open our homes to those we appreciate we effectively give thanks and offer a warmth that is uniquely special to the home.

Gratitude is best expressed through action and when we welcome people into our homes, we are saying welcome, but we are also saying, thank you, you are safe, you are not judged, you are present and you are important.  

The home is personal space, but a lot of good can be done by opening your door.

Incredible Wisdom from Maria Shriver

Recently, Maria Shriver gave the commencement speech at the Annenberg School of Communication's graduation ceremony where her own daughter was among the graduating class. In her twenty minute speech, the graduates as well as the world were given a glimpse of this magnificent woman and what has made her who she is.

In a world where "the state of communication is out of control", she asked that in the wake of the big question, "What are you going to do?" that the graduates take time to pause.

"The pause allows you to take a break, allows you to take a beat, it allows you to be in the moment."

With those moments of pause, she encouraged that the graduates make an effort to "change from criticism and fault finding to understanding and compassion, from nay say and name calling to acceptance and appreciation, from dissembling and dishonesty to openness and explanation, from screaming to speaking."

"Today I pray that you will be able to pause and spend time and give thanks for all who made this journey possible. I hope you will express gratitude to everyone who helped get you here. I hope that you will be grateful for all the love you have in your life and all the love that you have ever had in your life."

"I stand here as a deeply grateful woman, grateful for  the life that I have lived and the life that has brought me here; grateful for all the experiences that I have had that have made me the communicator that I am today."

Man's Weakness for Power

There is a saying: "Those who have the least, give the most." I have no statistical evidence to prove this, but in my experience working for various nonprofits and volunteering in my free time, the most incredible gestures of generosity I have been privileged to witness have come from those who have very little to begin with. These people give because they are grateful for what they have. Again, their possessions are few and their budgets are small, but they give of themselves, their time and what resources they have.

Power has the ability to change this. A humble man can become a tyrant with a grant of power, easily burying memories of a modest past. The Russian dictator, Joseph Stalin once said, "Gratitude is a sickness, suffered by dogs." The breadth of his influence allowed him to comfortably denounce a personal need to express gratitude for anything. He even went so far as to persecute those who spoke of gratitude for their presumed weakness. What is more frightening is that along the timeline of modern human history, Joseph Stalin's sentiments are not unique to him alone.

Throughout history, there have been dozens of leaders of various societal facets across Asia, Africa, Europe and the Americas who have wielded considerable power, yet have exercised this power with principles absent of gratitude.

Power enables mankind to climb metaphorical staircases that fuel promises of god-like status with every step. When you have climbed so high that you stand alone, it is easy for weakness to seep through the pours of better judgement, compassion and truth. When a man has the power to dictate that he is to be appreciated, there really is no point for him to be grateful.

Thankfully, laws of nature cannot be changed. No one is above being grateful. Those who believe they are will surely discover that the balance of life will deploy forces of every conceivable variety to strip away the power and influence that is so cherished.

Bound Thought

Imagine your life as a bundle of news papers. News papers themselves are simply a source of information printed on a page, but for the purpose of being imaginative, your life is a bundle of news papers, tied together by a piece of twine.

Those news papers represent your thoughts, ideas, dreams, goals, pretty much all the information that you, as a vessel of information, contain. The twine represents the limitations placed on that information. Most of us would like to believe that our stack of news papers is far larger than the average mans, but boundaries of thought are literally ingrained in our societies and cultures which serve to limit the expansion of information we give consideration to.

Religions, laws and governments, and even our educations tell us, "this is the way it is," and most of us do not ask why, we just accept that information as the way of truth that need not be deviated from. We trust the sources and thus invite facets of society to bind our thoughts and our opinions, which often results in people becoming fearful and even hateful of that information which falls outside of those teachings.

A friend recently said, "Life and love have no boundaries and therefore cannot be contained by a concept created by or from bound thought." Interestingly enough, human beings do a fantastic job of binding the ways in which people think about life and love, possibly more than anything else. But there is a severe drawback to allowing the scope of information you consume--your knowledge--to be commandeered by external influences.

Among many things, bound thought limits us from ever realizing all that we potentially have to be grateful for. When our thought process begins to explore uncharted territory, we either tighten the strings that hold our limited stack of information together or we loosen them, expressing a willingness to add more to the stack even if that information falls outside of what is considered an acceptable truth.

The world has so much to offer. We can either live in the world or live within our thoughts.

Considering the Weather

Access

Think of everything that you have access to. Now think about how you would respond to losing that access.

Toilet paper, clean water, the internet, microwaves, fuel, soap, electricity, beds, air conditioning, manufactured clothing, cell phones, etc. We expect so much to exist with uninterrupted accessibility and that expectation only increases with every passing day.

What if our access was denied?

Los Angeles is such a status driven city. Many people go to great lengths to gain access to various establishments and events. Gaining access to some means more than anything. In contrast to these high profile outings, returning home and using the familiar necessities and amenities we become accustomed to becomes nothing more than a motion that is taken for granted.

In these modern times, we have access to so much. Let us not forget to be grateful for that which enables us to live modern lives. 

For My Mother . . .

For my mother, there is within me a gratitude unparalleled by any other feeling of appreciation. This gratitude is unique, special, unconditional and just for her.  

Gratitude and Kindness Will Work for You

Financial planners make their living by making your money work for you, but all financial investments come with a degree of risk. That level of risk can range from a fraction of a percent to high stakes gambles that have the potential to yield enormous returns, but carry odds of a million to one.

We invest for the purpose of gaining, to live comfortably and to ensure our futures. But again, higher returns often come with high risk.

What if we thought of gratitude and kindness as an investment? There are certainly returns to be made on being kind and grateful. The common perception is that for what we put forth, we are eventually met with a ten fold return. While it would be nice to think that people could simply be kind and grateful without expecting anything in return, one can expect that their quality of life is guaranteed to improve upon putting forth a solid investment of kindness and living gratefully, and all without the stress of added risk.

When if comes to your finances, invest wisely. When it comes to kindness and gratitude, invest abundantly.

A Valuable Lesson

What Does It Take?

What does it take for you to be grateful? What has to happen? Where must you be? What must you be feeling or experiencing?

These are questions that can be answered by most people and from answering these questions we quickly determine that gratitude is very much conditional. Instead of simply living gratefully, most of us express gratitude when conditions warrant an expression, similar to having good manners among esteemed company or being politically correct when appropriate.

If you have given some serious thought to what it takes for you to be grateful, I challenge you to do away with that criteria and evolve your appreciative thinking to encompass the whole of life as we experience it from minute to minute, for its joy, pain and indifference.

When asked, "What does it take for you to be grateful?" the best response is, "Nothing at all. I exist in a constant state of gratitude."

When the gratitude you feel deep down within grows beyond needing a catalyst or an ignition switch, your life and the way you live will be more powerful while simultaneously increasing your efficiency and effectiveness in dealing with life as it is presented to you from day to day.

So, ask yourself what it takes for you to be grateful then look within. Hopefully, you will be able to say, "Not much."

Next to an Orgasm . . .

The human body responds to different experiences by evoking various sensations. Almost anything can become sensational, having profound influence over our mental, physical and emotional response. Most would agree that the human orgasm, being the sensation experienced as a result of sex, is the most notable of all sensations. If you have had one, you will know and be able to verify.

Consider, if you will, the sensation that would rank second. If you are tossing around ideas in your head, I would like to propose the sensation of being unconditionally grateful.

There have been times when in the midst of extreme tragedy, I thought I had lost loved ones. To find out that they were alive and well rendered me utterly helpless with relief and gratitude for their safekeeping.  There have been times when, because all of my needs were met at precisely the right times, I was left in awe and in tears because I was not able to foresee from which direction sustainability would be coming.

Gratitude manifests itself on a lengthy scale, ranging from half-hearted thank yous to extreme displays of self sacrifice, charity and crippling emotion. It is when gratitude grabs hold of our very beings and expels all other thoughts and feelings that we are so privileged to realize how powerful gratitude really is.

Gratitude is sensational and it is my hope that you are fortunate enough to experience the wonders of gratitude often and that you would share those experiences with others.

When Nothing Goes Your Way

We have all been there. With your back against the wall, you feel helpless as the life you have built for yourself is reduced to rubble at your feet. Plans, dreams and goals are but scrap. The only thing you can do is breath and ponder what tomorrow holds in store.

In these moments, we become victims of our circumstances; the things that are out of our immediate control. But what if we were missing a sign?

As mentioned many times before, change is the one thing we can absolutely count on as being inevitable. But when we resist change or fail to recognize a need for change, we set ourselves up for being blindsided by it, which results in moments of collapse when nothing goes as expected or as we had hoped for.

The fact is, sometimes, life needs to get your attention. When we invest so much of ourselves and our resources into things and situations that do not serve to benefit our lives in a healthy, constructive way, life will eventually find a way to intervene if you are incapable of seeing error in your ways. Life will halt you in your tracks and force you to assess who you are, your behavior, your decisions, etc. and demand that you be accountable to yourself.  

Most people would think that being grateful for having nothing go your way is out of the question, but this is not what any logical person would expect you to be grateful for. Overcoming the collapse is what you stand to be grateful for.

You become grateful for the STOP sign and then for the DETOUR that forces you to change directions. You become grateful for the road that you ultimately find yourself on that you would have never discovered had you not experienced a time when nothing went your way.

A Clip of Incredible Inspiration

When help is scarce, the will to persevere will see that your needs are met and that your will is not tested in vain.

A Story For Perspective

A young family attended their local church one Sunday as they have done most Sundays, but this particular Sunday was different. An announcement was made that some members of the community were in desperate need of help as times in their small town had become excruciatingly difficult for many.

The pastor announced that a collection jar would be established specifically for these people and that the jar would be presented to the recipients at the end of the month. This would give the modest congregation of about 100 members ample time to rally aid for those who were struggling most.

After the service, the young family went home and discussed what they could do to help those who were less fortunate than them. Feeling so grateful for all they had, it was only natural that they help others in need.

So, the family decided to collect bottles and cans every day for a whole month and on the last Saturday of the month, they would take the money gained from their recycling efforts and donate it to the community aid jar.

The bottles and cans began piling up and soon there were trash bags full of glass and plastic, ready to be recycled. The Saturday before the last Sunday of the month, the young family made 4 trips to their local recycling center and their efforts resulted in $51.00. They took the money directly to their church and placed the donation in the jar.

The next day the young family attended their church as usual and the pastor announced that $117.75 had been collected for the community aid jar and that he would be personally delivering the donations to members of the community that evening.

After church, the young family returned home and were so grateful to know that their efforts alone resulted in almost half of what was collected in the community jar, but they felt even better about knowing that those funds would be going toward helping people who really needed a helping hand during trying times.

Later that evening a knock on their door surprised the family as they sat around their kitchen table to eat dinner. It was their pastor, holding the community aid jar.

Assessing Your Focus

Some People Need A Billboard

Give Without Remembering, Receive Without Forgetting

A life lived while minding these principles will be bountiful, for you will be living as an expression of gratitude.

The Gift of Being Challenged

Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand.
- Oprah Winfrey

Today, I was challenged.

Technologically, I was challenged. My creativity was challenged. My common sense was challenged. My intellect was challenged. My ego was challenged. My morale was challenged. My patience was challenged. My temper was challenged. My courage was challenged. My strength was challenged.

In spite of all these challenges condensed into one short day, I am grateful for every single challenge that I have ever faced and those that have yet to present themselves, for it is through these challenges that I grow and become a better version of me.

When counting your gifts, your blessings and all that you are grateful for, you would be wise to include that which has challenged you, for without challenges, you stand to be among the simplest of beings to be classified as human.

How to Respond Properly to "You're Being Ungrateful"

When someone is accused of being ungrateful, the common response an accuser can expect is one of defensive refute, but merely saying, "I am grateful," does not compensate for what may have spurred the accusation in the first place. 

Actions speak louder than words. We have all heard this phrase at one time or another. When someone says that you are being ungrateful, stop for a moment and analyze that statement before you respond. You may be thinking, "but, I am grateful," and that may very well be your knee jerk response, but if you are grateful, then why would someone bother to point out your ingratitude? This is because your physical being may be telling a different story than you are.

Your actions are the greatest reflection of your gratitude, not what you say. Lack of action, unmotivated action, disingenuous action can all be read like a book based on your enthusiasm for what it is you are doing as an expression of gratitude. It could be the effort you put into a relationship, the work associated with your job, or any opportunity granted that bolsters you or your quality of life. If your performance does not reflect sincere gratitude for the role you are in, then perhaps you should exit the stage so that someone more appreciative can take your place. There is nothing wrong with bowing out gracefully and acknowledging the truth of ingratitude.

Unfortunately, this acknowledgement first requires a moment of self reflection that too many fail to experience and thus, continue to burden an ensemble with a selfishly motivated, false desire to be present.