The Worst Punishment

The affects of shame are very powerful. There is no ego, no level of confidence nor any position of power that is impervious to the affects of shame.

Growing up, I had my share of punishments. There were timeouts, spankings, being grounded, having privileges stripped away, but these were commonplace punishments I expected when my behavior went awry. I rarely ever pushed the boundaries and repeated my offenses for fear of the expected consequences, but I never took anything meaningful away from being punished. Punishments were just the course of action taken by parents and grandparents when children misbehaved. I dealt with them as they came and got over them quickly.

The punishments that stuck with me and have served as lessons well into adulthood are the times when I was forced to admit that I was being ungrateful. It wasn't necessary for anyone to tell me that I was being ungrateful. My acute awareness seemingly beat away at my conscience for my gross displays of ingratitude. I knew I was wrong, my elders knew I was wrong, but coming face to face with a version of myself that I did not ultimately want to be in relation to my peers, my community and the world at large was a painful pill to swallow.

To see yourself as an ungrateful person floods your consciousness and the well of your soul with shame. It is embarrassing and dishonorable. To know that you were not raised to be ungrateful, but to have moments of unabashed ingratitude for things that would mean so much to other, less fortunate people simply leaves a solid notch on the staff of lessons to learn from as we grow.

There are many lessons notched into my staff, but I carry that staff with me at all times, deep within my subconscious. Those lessons aid me in maintaining a respectable posture. They remind me of the path I have traveled and the stops I have made in contrast to the path I want to be on.