Taking Inventory to be Grateful

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.
- G. K. Chesterton


I know a therapist here in Los Angeles who is charmingly warm but very frank. He specializes in treating depression. Over lunch this week, he shared with me that he has two categories of patients. First, you have those that are genuinely battling varying degrees of depression due to an experience as found with serving in the military or those who have a family history of depression and are genetically prone to experiencing symptoms. These cases make up the bulk of his patients.

"Then there are those who are simply ungrateful." 

I couldn't believe it so I asked him to clarify. He shared with me that he has about two dozen patients who regularly come to him--paying his exorbitant hourly rate--to complain.

"Complain about what," I asked.

"Everything you can possibly imagine."

To sum up this topic of our conversation, these patients were miserable largely because they were ungrateful. They spent most of their time being negative, complaining about every detail of their day to day lives.

The prescribed treatment was actually very simply and something that many people do regularly, almost as second nature.

Take inventory of what you're grateful for.

Every day these patients had to keep a journal of what they were grateful for and, for most of them, the list gradually grew and positive change has and continues to take hold of their lives.

For others, misery seems to be their preferred companion.  

Something to be Grateful for: Opportunity

It's funny how opportunity works sometimes. We can all so easily inflate our hopes to capacity, put forth our best efforts and all but exhaust what patience we have in pursuit of what seems to be the best opportunity. The anvil of anticipation weighs down upon you, but with confidence you begin to make plans for the future, mapping out everything that will be within your newly acquired range of ability once this opportunity comes into fruition.

As the time for a decision to be made draws near, you are poised to cross the threshold as your heels have been firmly planted on the cusp for many months, perhaps even years. All signs are signalling, yes...

But that grand door never opens.

What can we take away from this?

The pursuit of opportunity is a perpetual test. No matter what station of life you happen to be in, your affluence; no one is excused from this test.

From these experiences you discover what you're capable of enduring, your degree of fortitude, what you're capable of learning about opportunity and yourself, you discover different paths and may ultimately come to realize that what matters to you really doesn't align with the opportunity you once fervently pursued.

Being grateful for these tests is important because when you show appreciation for the experience you've gained throughout the process, opportunity will inevitably present itself in another form.

We all know the phrase, where one doors closes another one opens. This works in cohesion with the balance of life. The effort you put fort will equate to the reward you gain. That reward may not present itself in a form you were expecting, but opportunity is opportunity, and we should be grateful when it is presented to us.
  

Have You Ever Judged the Homeless?

Meet Hugo.

I met him while walking Melrose Ave through West Hollywood. He and a companion were taking turns standing at an intersection with a sign that read, "Miracle Please." I initially paid them no attention as this is actually a common sight in Los Angeles, but Hugo politely asked me if I could tell him what time it was.

"4:32," I said. His thank you was quickly followed by, "Can you spare some change?"

So, I spared some change.

They were decent people. I asked them where they were from, where they were heading and if they had eaten today. One was from New York and the other was from Seattle.

Hugo's companion then asked if I knew anyone that liked LSD, a common hallucinogenic drug distributed in various circles from the homeless to socialites.

"Are you buying or selling," I asked.

"I just need to get rid of it to get some money. I know it's worth a little bit."

What would you have done at this moment? Logically, if you happen to be carrying LSD, or any drug for that matter, you're probably using it. Was I enabling them to continue a habit?

Odds are, the answer will allude me forever but I didn't give my change with the contingency that my charity was only to be used for what I felt was appropriate. I gave because I could give. What they did with that money was completely up to their discretion. But I know this would frustrate and perhaps even anger people who give, wanting their money to go specifically toward food or basic human necessities, not drugs or alcohol. They assume a degree of responsibility for the decisions of people they see as less fortunate, or rather just, less than and no one really wants to be an enabler.

This type of thinking has the power to condition potentially generous people to label and judge the homeless, which is wrong.

Whether you write checks at black tie charity events or you spare your change to homeless people on the street, either way, you are giving to people in need. Misappropriation of funds happens at all levels but enforcing accountability is not your responsibility.

Giving with conditions is not giving. It is controlled assistance. If you can't give up control than you probably shouldn't be giving.

Give because you can give. Give because you are grateful.

Living A Grateful Life

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  - John F. Kennedy


I was recently asked, "How does it feel to be receiving such positive feedback on Grateful Brand?"

I had to admit that it felt wonderful. People from across three continents have written me, sharing their stories and appreciation for what I was doing. The warmth was unexpected yet very much appreciated.

But I paused and remembered this quote from JFK. In truth, I love the emails and well wishes but the most flattering and meaningful show of appreciation that anyone could ever give to me would be to simply live a grateful life. As I mentioned in my first post to this blog on December 14, 2011, the inspiration for Grateful Brand came from a woman who metaphorically branded herself grateful. While, to this day, I still don't know her name nor where she might be to be able to thank her, I have chosen instead to live my appreciation for her and the inspiration she gave me.

Verbalized gratitude is a gesture that serves a moment in time with a call and response structure as with saying 'please' and 'thank you.' But imagine that response being an echo that continued to reverberate long after everyone has dispersed and there was no one's hand left to shake. This is what living a grateful life is.

What ever you are grateful for, do not limit your appreciation to saying 'thank you'. Live that thank you. Show instead of tell. Serve as an example by mustering kindness when the world seems to be frowning upon you. Extend your hand to help another while remembering the hands that have been extended to you. Share your time even in spite of limits.  

Your actions may go unacknowledged, but there is no greater expression of gratitude.