Time on Task: A Lesson from My Ra Ra (Grandmother)

Don't ask me how the name came to be. All I know is that since I was able to make noise, I have referred to my grandmother as, Ra Ra. My name for her may be unique among the Grandmas, Grannies and Nannas of the world, but a nickname matters little in contrast to what she is and what she means to me.

Most importantly, my Ra Ra is love. She has been there for me in ways that no one else has. While not the same as either of my parents, I would equate her vested interest in me to theirs without hesitation. But she is also a woman of tremendous poise, grace, intelligence, faith, compassion and confidence beyond measure. She is a huge inspiration whom I admire and respect very much.

I am writing about her today because, yesterday, I walked into my new office for the first time since accepting my new employers offer. I met my coworkers, received paper work, a new computer, typical first day welcome materials, gifts and well wishes, but as I sat down at my desk and took in what my professional future will be for possibly many years to come, I could not help saying to myself the phrase, "time on task."

"Time on task" can be interpreted simply as 'focus' or a less commanding variation of "pay attention," but this phrase and the story behind it mean a lot more to me.

When I was young, perhaps as early as four years old, I would spend extended visits with my grandparents at their home in southern Virginia. It is with my Ra Ra that I gained a passion for reading; for learning in ways that no teacher I have ever been formally educated by has ever been able to replicate. Instead of demanding my attention or forcing a lesson upon me, "time on task" became a repetitive tool of mental manipulation that has stuck with me ever since. I remember her saying this phrase in improvised songs, simple rhymes and even while cleaning, being just audible enough for me to hear, "time on task, time on task, time on task." I did not understand at the time why she was being so redundant, but when in my final semester in college, taking 27 credit hours so that I could be eligible for graduation, I realized what she had instilled in me.

Now, as an adult, the importance of effective time management is vital to my continued success, yet the best lesson I have ever received on maintaining my personal productivity remains that simple phrase, "time on task."

I love this woman. Not just for what she has taught me but for who she is and has been in my life.

Be grateful for your grandparents. If you are so fortunate to still have your grandparents around, give them your time and your consideration. You may learn something, perhaps even discover something about yourself and your family's history. Who knows? I do know that if nothing else, you can share in love, from one generation to another.

I am Afraid of Saying "God"

Grateful Brand was created to encourage universal love, kindness and gratitude, not to endorse nor promote any religion. With that being said, as the creator of this blog, I am deeply inspired by my own personal spirituality and many love promoting figures of various faiths.

As the title of this post may incite, how can one be afraid of saying "God," especially one who claims to be rather in tune with many qualities that God supposedly embodies?

For centuries, men of self proclaimed devout faith have interpreted and enforced the abiding of precise criteria that, according to their interpretations, must be met to be loved in the eyes of God and to receive the affection of their communities.

While I do not approve of how the concept of sin is used to strangle good people into submission, as human beings, sin abounds, yet the degree of consequence for most of these sins is, in reality, quite benign. You need only repent your sin to receive love. Many faiths assert that their followers are loved unconditionally in spite of their sins. But what is one to do when an innate otherness forces them outside the parameters of the criteria of good men and women?

This is my predicament. As a gay man, I have struggled with faith for years. I have even gone through an extended period of not believing simply because atheism or being agnostic made sense. More importantly, not believing made it easy to simultaneously expel the variable of emotion that so often goes hand in hand with faith.

As I have matured, the scope of my beliefs and wants have evolved, which has resulted in me seeking out a belief system and medium for expressing what I feel. Gratitude has become the basis of this belief system and I attend a nondenominational church to express this gratitude to the Universe.

I have become comfortable with saying "the Universe" because the usage of "God" has been manipulated, skewed and bastardized to an alarming degree. Some of the most vehement proponents of Christianity seemingly hold the usage of "God" hostage, exploiting what should be synonymous with love for the purpose of hate. The Westboro Baptist Church and their website, www.godhatesfags.com, is an extreme example. But they are not the catalyst for my struggle with faith.

Friends, family and colleagues, in casual conversation, have all said that the presumed choice of being gay is wrong and a sin in the eyes of God, yet some of the same people have asserted that God created the Universe and everything in it in his image ... and God makes no misstates. So where does this leave me?

In America, I am free to live my life, though there are people who petition and vote for the limitation of my liberties in contrast to heterosexuals. Unfortunately, the world at large is much crueler. There are people whom I will never meet but would justify my death by saying, "it is God's will." This puts things into perspective. I am a good person who avoids uncomfortable conversation about faith for fear of rejection. Imagine being a good person but being subjected to the death penalty for falling in love.

I say, "the Universe," because no one will object to my open sexuality in association, and therefore I feel safe. My belief system is neutral and thus, I am comfortable. Conversations regarding my belief in the infinite power and possibility enveloped in the Universe never result in me defending myself nor being shamed or demeaned.

This neutrality also allows me to affirm and celebrate who I am. In 1855, the excentric poet, Walt Whitman, penned his most famous work, Song of Myself, in his book, Leaves of Grass. The first stanza of this poem reads, "I celebrate myself." I literally wear this quote as you will notice.

Being able to affirm ones sense of self worth and feeling balanced in mind, body and spirit is a wonderful sensation. But in spite of my affirmation, I am gripped by a lingering fear that pauses my confidence when wanting to live fully and boldly as a good person who wants to believe in God. Because of this fear, I have relegated myself to the Universe. Some might argue that they are one in the same but in my psyche, I have become accustomed to an alternative as a result of mankind stripping away my equality; denouncing my otherness as a flaw.

Recently, I was moved by the compassionate words of a brilliant man who was bold enough to voice the confidence I wish I had regarding his conviction. With ease and eloquence, Jordan Bach--writer, blogger, advocate, uncle and all around good guy--championed via Youtube that, "God loves gays." From a personal standpoint, I have wanted to believe and embrace this without ever having a second thought, but it has been so painfully difficult to ignore the hate that many faithful people cling to and use as weapons. Jordan wears an amazing shield. That shield is love.

I first saw Jordan's video on the Huffington Post and I was moved to tears because I knew that even though he and I may never meet and I may never have the opportunity to shake his hand and thank him for his poise and strength directly, I knew that he stood with me in solidarity, and for that I am exceedingly grateful.

A Letter For You: February

Hey there Readers,

Where did this month go!?

So many wonderful things have happened in February and the horizon is glowing. The saying, "time flies when you're having fun," is absolutely true. However, in transitioning from January to February, I found myself a little nervous. My goal is to post to Grateful Brand every day for a year unless I am simply unable to. Facing the rest of 2012, I wondered, "How am I going to continue this momentum? Where will I find enough inspiration to post every day?"

The answer I was searching for was obvious, but I am sharing it with you as well because we all can benefit from doing more of it.

Pay more attention.

If you are willing to pay greater attention to your surroundings, heighten your collective awareness and sharpen your senses, you will quickly realize that the Universe will provide you with the information or inspiration you seek. The worry stemming from my presumed inability to produce has given way to confidence because I trust that inspiration will present itself. I just have to be available to see it.

In other news, it's a Leap Year! This means there is one extra day in 2012. Today, February 29, is that day. Now that you are thinking in extras and surpluses, consider this: every day you wake up is an extra day. Celebrate yourself, celebrate life! Pursue those goals and dreams now! There will come a day when we all run out of extra days so make the most of today and every day henceforth, for we are not guaranteed our ration of time, let alone extra.

Keep a journal to collect your ideas and things that inspire you. Once you get into the habit, you will look back over what you have compiled and be very impressed with the positivity, the sources, your interests, wisdom, paths you should consider, etc.

Again, as always, I thank you for following me on this journey of gratitude and I thank you for sharing Grateful Brand with those you know.

Gratefully,

Dane

Say it With Me, "I Am The Light"

Light is used as a common metaphor for a myriad of positive things: good energy, ideas, divinity, a heavenly space or presence, love, enlightenment, clarity, etc. Interestingly, "the light" is usually something we must go to or search for and discover. This is easy to understand because from a very literal stand point, light--being the kind of light that we use to brighten our homes--does not come from within us, but from finding and flipping a switch on a wall or a lamp.

When considering all of the metaphorical possibilities of light, do we necessarily need to discover it as derived from some other entity or source?

In hundreds, if not thousands of films, there are those classic, "I see the light" moments when a character finally realizes something important as apart of the plot of the story. These "I see the light" moments happen regularly in reality as well. Of course, inspiration or transfer of knowledge from one person to the other or even a profound religious or spiritual experience can cause an inner light switch to be flipped on, but have you ever considered the possibility that you yourself are the light?

Well, now is the time to begin to not just consider the possibility, but to believe it and affirm it.

You are the light!

In our search for reason, answers, solutions and understanding it is easy to externalize the source of all these things because, for one, this is what many of us are taught and conditioned to do, but also because with internalizing comes a sense of responsibility and accountability that many people avoid.

Internalizing the source of metaphorical light may also require bolstering faith in yourself; a heightened sense of belief and confidence. Once you affirm this inner strength you need only look in the mirror. Instead of seeing the light as something separate that you must acquire, you will realize that you are indeed the light and have been the light even when you failed to realize it in the past.

You will no longer have to live your life in a cloud of thought synonymous to a vast dark room full of mislabeled switches. You will be the answer. You will be the reason, the solution, and you will be able to come to a degree of understanding and resolve unlike anything you've ever experienced before. You will be able to stand in the face of everything because you are the light and will cast your light on a path of success and happiness.

Affirm this today! You will be grateful you did.