"Life Happens" Out of Context: Why We Should Still Be Grateful

As a huge fan of music from almost every conceivable genre, I am usually draw to any song with a positive message or good mood-inducing melody.  

"Life Happens" from artists Brandon and Leah is a great track, but the video did an even better job of distracting me from the message. Brandon, who happens to be the son of once famous athlete, Bruce Jenner, who is married to Kris Kardashian, matriarch of the reality TV clan, has admirable intentions. In doing a some PR for his new single, his message on The Huffington Post was very in tune with what Grateful Brand represents and stands for.

Brandon writes, "I believe the only thing that we really have control over is our attitude. If we focus on the positive things in our lives and learn how to cope with all the surprises, we will be happier people. Happiness is contagious. I focus on love and gratitude for all things on this beautiful planet and beyond. We can bring positive energy into our daily lives by smiling more, talking to strangers in line, replacing handshakes with hugs, and calling our friends just to tell them we love them."

Hats off to you, Brandon, for articulating nothing but good stuff. But half way through the video, one blaring question was beating on the door of needing an answer.

"Whose life is this?" Once I realized the source--Brandon and Leah--and their long list of industry ties, the pieces fell into place.

I have never uttered the phrase, "Life happens," while taking a leisurely stroll, or while cruising around in my car just for the sake of enjoyment, or while on vacation. For me, "Life happens" is always apart of a larger, survival based, phrase.

"Life happens. You deal with it, you overcome, and you move on."

Again, Brandon and Leah have produced a great song with a fantastic message of being grateful and happy in spite of whatever may come and I applaud them for it, but their video does not reflect the life that is happening for most of America today and the vast majority of the worlds population.

I don't know where Leah comes from, but Brandon has lived a life of exceptional privilege. You can Google him and discover that life has been happening very well for him since he was born. He has been featured on MTV's reality show Cribs, which showcases the lavish homes and automobiles of celebrities and athletes, twice.

Brandon should never make any apologies for being who he is or for having means, but his video is not the life that is happening for most of us. Most of us have a lot less to be grateful for, have lived through greater struggle and have fought harder for our day to day survival.

Brandon has had more than most will ever have an opportunity to be grateful for. In addition to producing such life affirming songs and music videos, I would like to see him go to India or Guatemala or to people in America who have being struggling to find work and share stories of how their lives are happening.

Women, Do You Enjoy Being Treated Like a Garage?

Think for a moment about how the responsibilities of the typical hetero-normative (or rather stereotypical) American home is divided based on gender.

Women cook, clean, tend to children, do laundry, organize social gatherings; all things that demand a woman's eye for detail, care and nurturing.

Men are typically left to matters of the garage and the yard; what some men would argue as being a kind gesture to save women from getting dirty.

While this stereotypical man only regularly assumes responsibility of the yard and matters of the garage, he is still granted the title of Head of Household for typically being the primary breadwinner.

The issue of women's rights is at the forefront of debate, yet again in the United States, and the issue at hand is whether or not women should have access to birth control through their employer provided insurance. Not surprisingly, many men and many conservatives disagree. My opinion on the subject does not matter, but I would like to present an observation of parallels.

As previously stated, men are stereotypically courteous by assuming responsibility of yard and garage related chores. Now, consider the automobile. For most people, the automobile is an extension of self; an appendage, if you will, that we control, use to impress, use to thrill and typically make a concerted effort to protect and maintain. This is a generalization, but men, being the breadwinners that they are, are allotted a smaller, sportier car with which to commute to and from work, while women are typically envisioned as house wives, soccer moms or working professionals who masterfully balance their careers and their homes. Regardless, women are typically seen in less glamorous sedans, SUVs and mini vans.

Being that men typically assume responsibility of matters pertaining to the garage, this would mean that they typically assume responsibility of a family's automobiles. The car, being an enjoyable extension of self is parked in the garage, which man claims as his own. Every tool, the lawnmower, craft, project, etc. are housed in the garage or a similar shed.

Now consider male anatomy in relation to female anatomy. Do you gather how male genitalia serves as an analogy for an automobile and how female genitalia serve as an analogy for a garage? The idea of controlling what happens and where things go in their presumed "garage" is the thought process behind much the current debate of contraception. Morality, ethics and faith based arguments are all convenient excuses that distract from the core issue at hand: there are men who, as a result of their beliefs, are resistant to giving up control of that which they deem as their entitled property. They are backed by their conservative allies, female colleagues and supporters who affirm the subservient role of a woman to a man.

This way of thinking will ultimately die off and become extinct because contrary to what many elected officials and their supporters believe, times are changing and have been changing from decade to decade. People are evolving and we are being forced to adapt to an ever changing social environment.

Sex happens. You may not see or hear it, but rest assured, it is happening.

Conservatism has an archaic habit of wanting to control and exploit women rather than equalize and support. The fact remains, women are not cars. You cannot park yourself, your legislation, rules or opinion in them just because you are in a role of leadership, or go so far as to think you own them.

Controlling is not being grateful for women. Protecting a woman's best interest, healthy and safety is expressing gratitude for women. There are many men who will simply fail to evolve and adapt in light of their presumed entitlement and authority. For example, Rush Limbaugh, the conservative radio host, has recently found himself in a precarious situation because of his outburst against Sandra Fluke, a law student arguing in favor of contraception. In an attempt to belittle and demean her, he called her a "slut" and a "prostitute," on his radio show, but it is his advertisers that are now abandoning him in droves. Surely, this was not the response he expected his inflammatory words to produce.

I would argue that the only people to find his remarks humorous would have probably looked like him, or older. There is also a strong likelihood that many of them were in their garages, listening on their hand held radios, comfortably in their ways, unwilling to adapt or evolve.

I am Afraid of Saying "God"

Grateful Brand was created to encourage universal love, kindness and gratitude, not to endorse nor promote any religion. With that being said, as the creator of this blog, I am deeply inspired by my own personal spirituality and many love promoting figures of various faiths.

As the title of this post may incite, how can one be afraid of saying "God," especially one who claims to be rather in tune with many qualities that God supposedly embodies?

For centuries, men of self proclaimed devout faith have interpreted and enforced the abiding of precise criteria that, according to their interpretations, must be met to be loved in the eyes of God and to receive the affection of their communities.

While I do not approve of how the concept of sin is used to strangle good people into submission, as human beings, sin abounds, yet the degree of consequence for most of these sins is, in reality, quite benign. You need only repent your sin to receive love. Many faiths assert that their followers are loved unconditionally in spite of their sins. But what is one to do when an innate otherness forces them outside the parameters of the criteria of good men and women?

This is my predicament. As a gay man, I have struggled with faith for years. I have even gone through an extended period of not believing simply because atheism or being agnostic made sense. More importantly, not believing made it easy to simultaneously expel the variable of emotion that so often goes hand in hand with faith.

As I have matured, the scope of my beliefs and wants have evolved, which has resulted in me seeking out a belief system and medium for expressing what I feel. Gratitude has become the basis of this belief system and I attend a nondenominational church to express this gratitude to the Universe.

I have become comfortable with saying "the Universe" because the usage of "God" has been manipulated, skewed and bastardized to an alarming degree. Some of the most vehement proponents of Christianity seemingly hold the usage of "God" hostage, exploiting what should be synonymous with love for the purpose of hate. The Westboro Baptist Church and their website, www.godhatesfags.com, is an extreme example. But they are not the catalyst for my struggle with faith.

Friends, family and colleagues, in casual conversation, have all said that the presumed choice of being gay is wrong and a sin in the eyes of God, yet some of the same people have asserted that God created the Universe and everything in it in his image ... and God makes no misstates. So where does this leave me?

In America, I am free to live my life, though there are people who petition and vote for the limitation of my liberties in contrast to heterosexuals. Unfortunately, the world at large is much crueler. There are people whom I will never meet but would justify my death by saying, "it is God's will." This puts things into perspective. I am a good person who avoids uncomfortable conversation about faith for fear of rejection. Imagine being a good person but being subjected to the death penalty for falling in love.

I say, "the Universe," because no one will object to my open sexuality in association, and therefore I feel safe. My belief system is neutral and thus, I am comfortable. Conversations regarding my belief in the infinite power and possibility enveloped in the Universe never result in me defending myself nor being shamed or demeaned.

This neutrality also allows me to affirm and celebrate who I am. In 1855, the excentric poet, Walt Whitman, penned his most famous work, Song of Myself, in his book, Leaves of Grass. The first stanza of this poem reads, "I celebrate myself." I literally wear this quote as you will notice.

Being able to affirm ones sense of self worth and feeling balanced in mind, body and spirit is a wonderful sensation. But in spite of my affirmation, I am gripped by a lingering fear that pauses my confidence when wanting to live fully and boldly as a good person who wants to believe in God. Because of this fear, I have relegated myself to the Universe. Some might argue that they are one in the same but in my psyche, I have become accustomed to an alternative as a result of mankind stripping away my equality; denouncing my otherness as a flaw.

Recently, I was moved by the compassionate words of a brilliant man who was bold enough to voice the confidence I wish I had regarding his conviction. With ease and eloquence, Jordan Bach--writer, blogger, advocate, uncle and all around good guy--championed via Youtube that, "God loves gays." From a personal standpoint, I have wanted to believe and embrace this without ever having a second thought, but it has been so painfully difficult to ignore the hate that many faithful people cling to and use as weapons. Jordan wears an amazing shield. That shield is love.

I first saw Jordan's video on the Huffington Post and I was moved to tears because I knew that even though he and I may never meet and I may never have the opportunity to shake his hand and thank him for his poise and strength directly, I knew that he stood with me in solidarity, and for that I am exceedingly grateful.

The Hardest Arithmetic

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. - Eric Hoffer


I read an article recently that detailed the mounting struggles of some individuals whose incomes earned them slots among the top 1% of earners in the United States. One man, whose income was disclosed as being just above $350,000 annually, described how that sum was simply not enough when considering the expense of having multiple homes, paying for private school tuition, and every day expenditures that he and his family have become accustomed to.

He insisted that he was not complaining, but rather just stating that his income placed very real limitations on his ability to realize the quality of life he aspired to have.

This is understandable. No one should be faulted for being ambitious but, through outlining his financial challenges, the assumption can be easily drawn that nothing he has is quite good enough. He allocates every dollar he earns to maintaining a lifestyle--well above the majority of Americans--but there is little satisfaction. There is no air of gratitude hovering above his claims. The focus is always on wanting more and moving up.

Ambition is a wonderful thing, but if it prevents you from surveying what you presently have with an eye of gratitude, then ambition will become a curse. You will spend your life spending and acquiring out of habit rather than appreciation for what you are afforded.

Being grateful for the fruit of today will make the fruit of tomorrow much sweeter.

You Reap What You Sow: What We Can Learn From Andrew Breitbart

The philosophical law of only being able to keep what you give away has been circulating through socially conscious cultures for centuries, if not millenniums.  The belief serves to maintain a natural order, balance and harmony. It is thought that the more you give away, an equal or greater reward will be bestowed upon you in return, but let us not be so motivated by material reward as we strive to maintain balance and harmony as we pursue success.

Kindness can be a far more valuable currency than any precious metal or printed note. It can sway the coldest heart and soften the most callus fist. If you are unkind, inconsiderate, impatient, or intolerant, you will reap a harvest of the same and perhaps, ultimately, a fate far worse.

This morning news broke of Andrew Breitbart, the famous conservative activist, passing away from natural causes. While I personally disagree with many of his beliefs and stances on a variety of issues, I still respect anyone who stands for what they believe in. Cowardice is a far greater threat to maintaining a harmonious society.

For all his passion, I cannot help but wonder if Andrew had it coming. Forget his political affiliation or his beliefs for a moment. Those are off the table for this argument. I am viewing him as just a man.

If you peruse any of Andrews writings or have ever heard him speak, he seemed unwaveringly angry with that which he opposed.

Friends and associates attest to his confrontational nature. His attorney referred to him as a "happy warrior." Former Texas Governor and Presidential candidate, Rick Perry, tweeted, "RIP 'O Mighty Warrior!" News personality, Tucker Carlson, remembered him by saying, "he thrived on the brawling." Jonah Goldberg, founding editor of the National Review Online, said that "One of his favorite pastimes was to retweet all of the hate that people threw at him, because he considered it a badge of honor. It was his Wheaties."

Wearing hate as a badge of honor? A warrior of politics? Perhaps, to some, he lived and died honorably, but there is a part of me that feels this man did not have to die at the young age of 43.

Being angry, spewing hate and defamation and wishing for the demise of those you oppose because of their political leanings or social stances will reap a dismal harvest. I imagine the degree of stress his body was under must have been tremendous. The sheer tension of being so highly strung, ready to confront and dismantle his sworn political enemies when ever presented the opportunity alone, must have left him physically battered. A heart, meant for love and compassion, can only take so much.

Andrew Breitbart should still be here, but the stresses and evils of politics have taken him from his family and from this earth. Perhaps he died in the thralls of what he loved most, but that does not change that fact that today, he is dead.

You reap what you sow. Nature will ultimately prevent a negative seed from taking root and spreading. In the game of politics, anger and hate are not necessary tools for executing a point nor championing a cause. They are shameful byproducts of the weaknesses of men.

Regardless of your political affiliation or social beliefs, do not be so consumed by disagreement that life and love come second.

Andrew was a man, first and foremost, with immeasurable potential and influence. Now he is gone.

May he truly rest in peace. 

Special thanks to Dylan Stableford of YAHOO! News and The Cutline: Andrew Breitbart Dead: Outspoken Conservative was 43

A Grateful Candidate

2012 could be the year the United States welcomes a new president into the White House. Today marks the commencement of voting in the Iowa caucuses to determine who of the GOP presidential candidates will win the presidential nomination to face off against Barack Obama in November.

Personally, I feel like the campaigning never stops from one election to the other, but as we edge closer to the climactic election that could see President Obama winning another term or the Republican Party reclaiming the top seat, I have one burning question that will likely go unanswered . . . at least, honestly.

Of all the candidates vying for the presidency in 2012, which of them are truly grateful for America and all of her citizens?

I remember as a child having to recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning before lessons began and I once asked my teacher why we did so. She told me that it was because I was an American and that as an American it was my responsibility to never forget what it means to be an American and what makes being an American a good thing. I've never forgotten those words:

I pledge allegiance to the flag

of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for which it stands,

one nation, under God, indivisible

with liberty and justice for all. 

Quick, simple, painless. As a nine year old, these words held little weight in terms of what was important throughout the school day, but as an adult I remember these words and feel there should be a radio commercial announcer hurriedly reading off a list of contingencies and exceptions that no child of nine years of age would understand nor pay attention to.

I say this because I believe that not all of the candidates running for president appreciate the wealth of diversity and "liberty" to exist openly and honestly without prejudice that defines the American people.  In fact, I believe that if given power to exercise their will of rule, some candidates would send this country spiraling back into a very dark place and period in time. Thankfully, such power would never be acceptably exercised by anyone of sound mind and reasoning. 

The modern day guise of "Preserving America" is tainted with fear and hate as it has been for as far back as anyone living can remember. What would you do if someone told you that the bathroom for your people was around back? Could you imagine gaining your education in an environment where everyone was required by law to look alike? Could you imagine not being able to legally marry the person you loved if they had a different complexion? What if your faith were deemed inferior to another? In the history of America, these divisive measures were once justified as valid and acceptable for the purpose of preserving America. But whose America was being preserved?

Today, America is facing similar conflicts of interest as some of our presidential candidates and elected leadership are all about preservation. But I ask again, preservation of what and on whose behalf? 

There are many Americans who happen to be poor or Gay or Muslim or Latino or disabled and even military veterans that get little to no appreciation from some of the candidates who would gladly accept their vote. Once in office they would dismissively insist that for the sake of America, you should be second tier. But I ask again, whose America is being preserved?

Personally, I want a grateful candidate; a candidate that can look from sea to shining sea and genuinely recognize ALL Americans as being worthy of equally contributing to what makes this country great, representing all of us proudly.