Women, Do You Enjoy Being Treated Like a Garage?

Think for a moment about how the responsibilities of the typical hetero-normative (or rather stereotypical) American home is divided based on gender.

Women cook, clean, tend to children, do laundry, organize social gatherings; all things that demand a woman's eye for detail, care and nurturing.

Men are typically left to matters of the garage and the yard; what some men would argue as being a kind gesture to save women from getting dirty.

While this stereotypical man only regularly assumes responsibility of the yard and matters of the garage, he is still granted the title of Head of Household for typically being the primary breadwinner.

The issue of women's rights is at the forefront of debate, yet again in the United States, and the issue at hand is whether or not women should have access to birth control through their employer provided insurance. Not surprisingly, many men and many conservatives disagree. My opinion on the subject does not matter, but I would like to present an observation of parallels.

As previously stated, men are stereotypically courteous by assuming responsibility of yard and garage related chores. Now, consider the automobile. For most people, the automobile is an extension of self; an appendage, if you will, that we control, use to impress, use to thrill and typically make a concerted effort to protect and maintain. This is a generalization, but men, being the breadwinners that they are, are allotted a smaller, sportier car with which to commute to and from work, while women are typically envisioned as house wives, soccer moms or working professionals who masterfully balance their careers and their homes. Regardless, women are typically seen in less glamorous sedans, SUVs and mini vans.

Being that men typically assume responsibility of matters pertaining to the garage, this would mean that they typically assume responsibility of a family's automobiles. The car, being an enjoyable extension of self is parked in the garage, which man claims as his own. Every tool, the lawnmower, craft, project, etc. are housed in the garage or a similar shed.

Now consider male anatomy in relation to female anatomy. Do you gather how male genitalia serves as an analogy for an automobile and how female genitalia serve as an analogy for a garage? The idea of controlling what happens and where things go in their presumed "garage" is the thought process behind much the current debate of contraception. Morality, ethics and faith based arguments are all convenient excuses that distract from the core issue at hand: there are men who, as a result of their beliefs, are resistant to giving up control of that which they deem as their entitled property. They are backed by their conservative allies, female colleagues and supporters who affirm the subservient role of a woman to a man.

This way of thinking will ultimately die off and become extinct because contrary to what many elected officials and their supporters believe, times are changing and have been changing from decade to decade. People are evolving and we are being forced to adapt to an ever changing social environment.

Sex happens. You may not see or hear it, but rest assured, it is happening.

Conservatism has an archaic habit of wanting to control and exploit women rather than equalize and support. The fact remains, women are not cars. You cannot park yourself, your legislation, rules or opinion in them just because you are in a role of leadership, or go so far as to think you own them.

Controlling is not being grateful for women. Protecting a woman's best interest, healthy and safety is expressing gratitude for women. There are many men who will simply fail to evolve and adapt in light of their presumed entitlement and authority. For example, Rush Limbaugh, the conservative radio host, has recently found himself in a precarious situation because of his outburst against Sandra Fluke, a law student arguing in favor of contraception. In an attempt to belittle and demean her, he called her a "slut" and a "prostitute," on his radio show, but it is his advertisers that are now abandoning him in droves. Surely, this was not the response he expected his inflammatory words to produce.

I would argue that the only people to find his remarks humorous would have probably looked like him, or older. There is also a strong likelihood that many of them were in their garages, listening on their hand held radios, comfortably in their ways, unwilling to adapt or evolve.

I am Afraid of Saying "God"

Grateful Brand was created to encourage universal love, kindness and gratitude, not to endorse nor promote any religion. With that being said, as the creator of this blog, I am deeply inspired by my own personal spirituality and many love promoting figures of various faiths.

As the title of this post may incite, how can one be afraid of saying "God," especially one who claims to be rather in tune with many qualities that God supposedly embodies?

For centuries, men of self proclaimed devout faith have interpreted and enforced the abiding of precise criteria that, according to their interpretations, must be met to be loved in the eyes of God and to receive the affection of their communities.

While I do not approve of how the concept of sin is used to strangle good people into submission, as human beings, sin abounds, yet the degree of consequence for most of these sins is, in reality, quite benign. You need only repent your sin to receive love. Many faiths assert that their followers are loved unconditionally in spite of their sins. But what is one to do when an innate otherness forces them outside the parameters of the criteria of good men and women?

This is my predicament. As a gay man, I have struggled with faith for years. I have even gone through an extended period of not believing simply because atheism or being agnostic made sense. More importantly, not believing made it easy to simultaneously expel the variable of emotion that so often goes hand in hand with faith.

As I have matured, the scope of my beliefs and wants have evolved, which has resulted in me seeking out a belief system and medium for expressing what I feel. Gratitude has become the basis of this belief system and I attend a nondenominational church to express this gratitude to the Universe.

I have become comfortable with saying "the Universe" because the usage of "God" has been manipulated, skewed and bastardized to an alarming degree. Some of the most vehement proponents of Christianity seemingly hold the usage of "God" hostage, exploiting what should be synonymous with love for the purpose of hate. The Westboro Baptist Church and their website, www.godhatesfags.com, is an extreme example. But they are not the catalyst for my struggle with faith.

Friends, family and colleagues, in casual conversation, have all said that the presumed choice of being gay is wrong and a sin in the eyes of God, yet some of the same people have asserted that God created the Universe and everything in it in his image ... and God makes no misstates. So where does this leave me?

In America, I am free to live my life, though there are people who petition and vote for the limitation of my liberties in contrast to heterosexuals. Unfortunately, the world at large is much crueler. There are people whom I will never meet but would justify my death by saying, "it is God's will." This puts things into perspective. I am a good person who avoids uncomfortable conversation about faith for fear of rejection. Imagine being a good person but being subjected to the death penalty for falling in love.

I say, "the Universe," because no one will object to my open sexuality in association, and therefore I feel safe. My belief system is neutral and thus, I am comfortable. Conversations regarding my belief in the infinite power and possibility enveloped in the Universe never result in me defending myself nor being shamed or demeaned.

This neutrality also allows me to affirm and celebrate who I am. In 1855, the excentric poet, Walt Whitman, penned his most famous work, Song of Myself, in his book, Leaves of Grass. The first stanza of this poem reads, "I celebrate myself." I literally wear this quote as you will notice.

Being able to affirm ones sense of self worth and feeling balanced in mind, body and spirit is a wonderful sensation. But in spite of my affirmation, I am gripped by a lingering fear that pauses my confidence when wanting to live fully and boldly as a good person who wants to believe in God. Because of this fear, I have relegated myself to the Universe. Some might argue that they are one in the same but in my psyche, I have become accustomed to an alternative as a result of mankind stripping away my equality; denouncing my otherness as a flaw.

Recently, I was moved by the compassionate words of a brilliant man who was bold enough to voice the confidence I wish I had regarding his conviction. With ease and eloquence, Jordan Bach--writer, blogger, advocate, uncle and all around good guy--championed via Youtube that, "God loves gays." From a personal standpoint, I have wanted to believe and embrace this without ever having a second thought, but it has been so painfully difficult to ignore the hate that many faithful people cling to and use as weapons. Jordan wears an amazing shield. That shield is love.

I first saw Jordan's video on the Huffington Post and I was moved to tears because I knew that even though he and I may never meet and I may never have the opportunity to shake his hand and thank him for his poise and strength directly, I knew that he stood with me in solidarity, and for that I am exceedingly grateful.

Equality and Evolution: Looking Back to My Preschool Education

A standard preschool education ensures that most children acquire an understanding of what it means to share. A turn is taken with reasonable time to enjoy and that turn is transferred to a classmate. With the exception of a little patience being tested, everyone ends up equal and happy. Nap time resolves all grievances, if any.

It's a shame that so many different forces work to corrupt this foundational lesson. As we mature, the realization sets in that the world simply doesn't cater to equality. Religion, geography, racial and socioeconomic prejudice, political affiliation, gender, sexuality; all of these and more have been the catalysts for the denial of equality from one group of people to the other for almost as long as humans have been in existence.

I blame evolution.

There is a reason why preschool teachers must teach the lesson of sharing and this is because being selfish comes naturally to human beings. If you happen to lay claim to what you believe to be a good thing, there is an instinctual reluctance to giving that good thing away.

Tens of thousands of years ago, humans were generally evenly matched across the board. Everyone was simply doing their best to stay warm, eat and not get eaten. Resources changed everything.

With access to more resources, early geographically privileged people were able to spend less time worrying about survival and more time advancing culturally.  This is why early European and Egyptian societies were able to grow and become so prosperous--all while conquering and enslaving others along the way--and the indigenous people of Papua New Guinea remain some of the most primitive people on earth.

With resources came power. As history illustrates, power is something humans have exploited for a very long time to maintain preferential advantage over other people.

In America today, gay marriage is the present struggle for equality being waged. Clearly we've come a long way if this is what we're arguing about now, but it personally insights a reaction of, "Really?"

Globally, people who have denied other people equality under the law have always been viewed as being on the wrong side of history. But, we are human. Again, a huge part of being human is that we are programmed to be selfish. If one group of people refuses to share with another group of people, regardless of their reasoning, a metaphorical preschool teacher ultimately steps in to remind us of what we learned when we were four.  

I go back to the theory of evolution as it relates to equality. Again, if you happen to lay claim to what you believe to be a good thing, there is an instinctual reluctance to giving that good thing away, especially to a group of people stereotyped as perversions, deviants or rampant sinners.

Over thousands of years we have evolved to protect that which we believe ensures our survival and protects our preferential advantage. There is only one problem with this way of thinking today.

It's 2012.

Next to some viruses, humans are the fastest evolving creatures on Earth yet, for many, keeping up with the progression of thought and understanding is simply something that cannot be expected. Instinct and belief systems overrule.

I am grateful for people who have transcended their belief systems to stand in the face of inequality and say, no. For as difficult as it may be, what is right is right and giving preferential treatment to one group versus another is and forever will be wrong.


Stand on which ever side you choose, but remember the history that has already been written.